*ahem*

Where to start? Where to start? The very beginning is a little extreme, so hows about I just cover the high lights of the last couple ah months. Yikes! It has indeed been way to long.

~ October ~

I blogged about starting my new drug treatment of Serophene. I took 5 doses of 50 mg on CD 3-7, did the whole timed intercourse thing.

~ November ~

Then had blood test 1 done on CD21 (November 6th). I also was fighting some nasty bug that my brother had, the munchkin had, and Boo Bear was fighting off. Sitting in a waiting room for almost an hour with a stanky (seriously, I'm talking pure feces coupled with moth balls.. I almost ralphed, more than once) sick lady coughing on me non-stop, put my immune system over the edge, and by the end of the day, I was sick. I'm talking seriously ill. Not H1N1, just a stupid bug that kept me sick for majority of November. So, timed intercourse ended, and on CD28, I had my second blood test done. (November 13).

TMI Alert

I had been feeling so emo the last week, temperatures were a bust because of me being sickly, sore nipples, etc.. I was so hopefully sure that this was it! FINALLY! Then, what would have been cd29 became CD1 as AF descended with vengeance.. in Wal-Mart!! The emotions I went through that day were not fun at all. I was so sure this was it, so sure that I almost bawled in Dollarama while wasting time while DW was weighing in at his tournament. I went from surprise and awe that I had actually had a 28 day cycle! (first in half a decade), to thinking that I had miscarried (that is how sure I felt), I was an emotional wreck, who was still super sick and had no voice. DW was entirely to preoccupied with his tournament to focus on my melt dow, so being me, I buried it, calmed down, and decided that regardless of what happened, God was in control!

On CD3, I called the fertility clinic to get a prescription of Serophene faxed because I had to start it that day, or go through the gong show of taking prometrium again. So, I drove into Red Deer to get my prescription that night and started cycle 2 on Serophene. On CD7 (November 20th) I took my final pill, as well as met with Dr. O'Keane. My tests had come back showing that I had indeed ovulated, (and missed it...) and I am not diabetic. He gave me two more prescriptions, just incase, and told us to continue using the old fashioned method of timed intercourse.

~ December ~

CD27 today.... Timed intercourse from CD10 to CD24 is entirely to much intercourse! Ugh! I'm thankfully not sick anymore. Both girls are back to healthy too. Bear turned 1 on the 8th! Holy moly! We are having a family party tomorrow night to celebrate a wonderful year getting to know one of the happiest little ones I've ever met!

Drew is finally working full time hours! Hooray! We aren't going to have to sell my car after all! There have been some tough times in the past month, financially, emotionally, hormonally, etc... We used the food bank for the first time in my life. (DW had used it in his previous 'life'), we fell behind on all payments except the mortgage and my car. (but just barely)

I am so stressed, so tired, and so sick of this part of our journey. I honestly don't know if I can start 2010 knowing I'm on the same horrid path. Unfortunately, it is not my decision to make. So I guess I will continue one step at a time, trying to trust, trying to lay it down, succeeding at times, and failing miserably most times. I'm tired. I'm scared because this time of the month where we find out if there is a miracle growing, or if I failed again, we have to try again next cycle.

On the upside, Christmas is only 15 days away! HOORAY! I'm still praying that I will have a Christmas miracle this year. It would be the best gift I could possibly give my husband and my parents!

Welp, I'm off to bed! I have to adorable little girls expecting me bright and early. Tomorrow we bake! Huzzah!

jillanna