Round 3

Here we go again! Today is CD6, and I have one last dose of Serophene tomorrow morning. Then we start trying all over again. Merry Christmas! (to DW anyhoo, I'm exhausted just thinking about it)

The previous cycle went really well. Planned intercourse for longer than deemed necessary, but in our case is, because I appear to be ovulating near cd21. I had high temps from cd22 to cd33, with cramping, tenderness, etc. Then Wednesday (dec. 16) my temps plummeted, I took a pregnancy test, (negative) and AF arrived shortly after lunch. I was a wreck that day. I know 11 days isn't long enough to know by temps and such but with the cramping, I thought this was finally it!

I think the worst part of it all, was feeling so hopeful. And then feeling so utterly crushed. Basically I cried if I let myself think of anything remotely close to fertility, or if I talked to anyone that day. It was a majorly shat-tastic day!

Claire Bear laughed at me when I cried in front of her. (guess 1 year olds don't get grief very well) Emi gave me a hug, a kiss, said 'I love you' then sang me twinkle twinkle little star (while 'playing' a small drum). Emi sings to Claire to help keep her calm in the van and such. It works wonders on Claire... but on me, it just about did me in. That little lady has the most amazing heart! She is also hilarious! While trying to put her to bed for her nap the other day, she was laying very still, with the blanket over her face (its how she closes her eyes), and all of the sudden started singing the Pinky and the Brain theme song. (Up until the first chorus!) As I laughed into her stuffy! Then I said 'Okay Emi, it is time to sleep now' and she replied 'But that was a very nice song.' Freakin hilarious kid! Oh and she just got her first official hair cut! Pictures to come soon!

So now we try again. Thankfully the trying doesn't officially start til after Christmas, so right now I am focusing on a wonderful couple of days with all 10 of us, and how fun it will be with Emi and Claire this year! Trying not to focus on the fact that we only have one cycle after this one left before new more invasive things start happening. IUI won't be so bad, but a royal pain in the apple. But, I'm trying to keep my faith and trust in the right place, and focus on the reason for the season!

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope its a wonderful time with family and friends!

Because its fun

a meme!

A list of 5 guys whose laps I would rather sit on than Santa's.

#1 - Roger Huerta, UFC fighter

Look at that freakin dimple! So delish!

#2 - Ryan Reynolds...and he is Canadian!

#3 - Gerard Butler, naughty but nice? (Yeah, DW's puns are rubbing off on me!)

#4 - Jason Segel, Cute & hilarious

#5, Taylor Lautner, But not until February 11, 2010 when he officially becomes legal! (Because married 26 year old women, shouldn't sit on 17 year old boys laps!)

*ahem*

Where to start? Where to start? The very beginning is a little extreme, so hows about I just cover the high lights of the last couple ah months. Yikes! It has indeed been way to long.

~ October ~

I blogged about starting my new drug treatment of Serophene. I took 5 doses of 50 mg on CD 3-7, did the whole timed intercourse thing.

~ November ~

Then had blood test 1 done on CD21 (November 6th). I also was fighting some nasty bug that my brother had, the munchkin had, and Boo Bear was fighting off. Sitting in a waiting room for almost an hour with a stanky (seriously, I'm talking pure feces coupled with moth balls.. I almost ralphed, more than once) sick lady coughing on me non-stop, put my immune system over the edge, and by the end of the day, I was sick. I'm talking seriously ill. Not H1N1, just a stupid bug that kept me sick for majority of November. So, timed intercourse ended, and on CD28, I had my second blood test done. (November 13).

TMI Alert

I had been feeling so emo the last week, temperatures were a bust because of me being sickly, sore nipples, etc.. I was so hopefully sure that this was it! FINALLY! Then, what would have been cd29 became CD1 as AF descended with vengeance.. in Wal-Mart!! The emotions I went through that day were not fun at all. I was so sure this was it, so sure that I almost bawled in Dollarama while wasting time while DW was weighing in at his tournament. I went from surprise and awe that I had actually had a 28 day cycle! (first in half a decade), to thinking that I had miscarried (that is how sure I felt), I was an emotional wreck, who was still super sick and had no voice. DW was entirely to preoccupied with his tournament to focus on my melt dow, so being me, I buried it, calmed down, and decided that regardless of what happened, God was in control!

On CD3, I called the fertility clinic to get a prescription of Serophene faxed because I had to start it that day, or go through the gong show of taking prometrium again. So, I drove into Red Deer to get my prescription that night and started cycle 2 on Serophene. On CD7 (November 20th) I took my final pill, as well as met with Dr. O'Keane. My tests had come back showing that I had indeed ovulated, (and missed it...) and I am not diabetic. He gave me two more prescriptions, just incase, and told us to continue using the old fashioned method of timed intercourse.

~ December ~

CD27 today.... Timed intercourse from CD10 to CD24 is entirely to much intercourse! Ugh! I'm thankfully not sick anymore. Both girls are back to healthy too. Bear turned 1 on the 8th! Holy moly! We are having a family party tomorrow night to celebrate a wonderful year getting to know one of the happiest little ones I've ever met!

Drew is finally working full time hours! Hooray! We aren't going to have to sell my car after all! There have been some tough times in the past month, financially, emotionally, hormonally, etc... We used the food bank for the first time in my life. (DW had used it in his previous 'life'), we fell behind on all payments except the mortgage and my car. (but just barely)

I am so stressed, so tired, and so sick of this part of our journey. I honestly don't know if I can start 2010 knowing I'm on the same horrid path. Unfortunately, it is not my decision to make. So I guess I will continue one step at a time, trying to trust, trying to lay it down, succeeding at times, and failing miserably most times. I'm tired. I'm scared because this time of the month where we find out if there is a miracle growing, or if I failed again, we have to try again next cycle.

On the upside, Christmas is only 15 days away! HOORAY! I'm still praying that I will have a Christmas miracle this year. It would be the best gift I could possibly give my husband and my parents!

Welp, I'm off to bed! I have to adorable little girls expecting me bright and early. Tomorrow we bake! Huzzah!

jillanna