Step by Step....

Ohh baby! Gonna get to you girl! err.. yeah, apparently NKOTB is on the brain! 12 more days until I see them in concert though! WOOT! WOOT!

So, day 5 of the nasty tasting herbs is here, only a few days until I know if I should take the next step. And I am TERRIFIED! And excited, and SO hopeful... but mostly, terrified! After 4 1/2 years of NOTHING working.. taking the next step is so scary to me. This is my last resort. After this, it's adoption or no kids. So, monday is the big day! I already saw the doctor last week, and again this week. I have had a complete physical, I have had heaps of labs done, and I have got the prescription. I even filled it! Clomid round one is about to commence.

Speaking of doctors, my labs all came back good... except for my FSH and LH. Apparently they are so bad, the lab wrote me up as post menopausal! EEEK! Not cool! So hence the clomid! Gotta see if I will even ovulate. Stupid body.. WHY WON'T YOU JUST WORK?!?!?

I think the scary part for me is not knowing what will happen and if this doesn't work.. then I'm pretty much effed! I decided early along in this strange battle that I wouldn't go past these drugs, and I would avoid them for as long as I could. But now I'm halfway to 26, and am no closer than I was 4 1/2 years ago. There are some pros in this whole situation. I'm a useless-knowledge-ologist in almost all things pregnancy and baby related!

This weekend I have big decisions to come to terms with. It's kind of all or nothing at this point. Big changes are coming, me thinks. But gosh would it ever be AWESOME to be knocked up by Christmas, and to announce it to the whole family as a Christmas present! That is what we are currently praying for now!

The TCM journey

        Sunday I went to Edmonton for my acupuncture and cupping appointment. I LOVE acupuncture! So relaxing and peaceful! Anyhooters... about 2  months into my TCM journey now! But no dice... kinda getting a little to used to that feeling.. but as I said, I LOVE acupuncture! So its all good! But herbs... not so lovable! 
         Up to now, I have only had these little black pills. They are herbal, but made into pills so it is easier for us North Americans to handle. Well Sunday I was given a new adventure to embark upon. Herbs, in their most potent form! Dried leaves, seeds, bark, roots... you get the picture. And if you don't.. there are the photos! Back to the point.. The herbs are NASTY! I have to spend two hours a day boiling them to make a REALLY REALLY strong (and bitter) 'tea', which I consume twice a day.(as fast as I can, what with the involuntary shudders and such) But, its only 5 days, and I am on day 4! YIPPEE!!! So far though, still nothing! But I will give it time to work its magic! On to the photos! 

Before cooking.. kind of pretty! Like... potpourri! 

Boiling Away

The finished product

Tasty Eh?

Well that is the newest in my infertile adventures! There is more, but I'm thinking a new post is due. Seeing as this one took FOREVER to get the photos working properly!

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!

         What the EFF is going on? So, I live in a small town, like 11,000 people. And yet, we seem to draw out the crazies! Since living in this house we have 'lost' a license plate, approx. 6 solar lights, and our back fence (the neighbor ran that down, it wasn't stolen). We have also had our back door kicked in (just last week even) and then tonight, my husbands drivers side window got smashed in. WHY us? Jeepers! Thankfully nothing tragic actually has come from these interesting events... just a lot of annoyance (and harassing of the fuzz)

           And yet, the thing I dislike most about this house and neighborhood? We only have one bathroom! Yep, you read that right.. ONE bathroom! In a two story, 4 bedroom house! ONE! Must of been built by a man! 

       So, on to the info about the decision making... I went into a new doctor today for a complete physical! Again, must of been built by a man comes to mind... those are some dang uncomfortable tools they use! Anyhooters... I was given a clean bill of health (again) with no known reason why my baby maker ain't baby making. I go in Friday morning to loose a ridonkulous amount of blood, all to better know what is NOT wrong. But on the upside, this doc was actually great! And now, I'm left with the decision, to take clomid this month, or stick to my TCM. (thus far, no changes have come from the TCM) 

       Egads! I just want to snuggle in my bed and re-read Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. Oh well! For now, I'm going to watch Pushing Daisies with my husband, and pretend life isn't confusing and annoying tonight!

Oops.. I did it again!

iYIKES!

         It's been a very long time, yet again! I'm pretty much AWFUL at remembering to blog.. oh well! I guess my life isn't really exciting enough for daily posts. But here is my monthly update! haha 

         So, I have started my TCM, and thus far.. nothing, natta, zilch! I have been taking up to 60 pills per day for a month. Not that pills actually bother me, they totally don't. I just hoped I would at least have some sort of change happen. So far, nothing. So, TMI alert!! It has now been approx. 155 days since the end of my last period! HOLY CRAP! I think anything over a 40 day cycle is considered extreme... so, 160 days cycle? Oh dear! That can't be good! So, I continue to try the acupuncture, the pills... Hoping I won't have to resort to anything to extreme in order to get my body working again. Thankfully, the word menopause has yet to pass through the lips of the medical professionals I have seen! I think if I ever do hear that word, I will loose it! I'm not old enough for that.. I haven't even had a chance at being a mom! EEK! 

          Welp, I guess it is time to work on my patience again! *sigh* I'm getting sick of working on my patience! But really, what choice do I have? Go against everything my body is telling me, and try something synthetic, or continue on this path for at least a few months? Plus really, acupuncture is AWESOME! 

          In other news, I'm employed! I KNOW! So its been what? 3 months? And before that.. a year! haha Oh well! So now I am working, full time, with a company that works with clients who have disabilities. So far, I actually love it! I spend my days watching soaps, doing crocheting, making supper, going to the dollar store, going for coffee, watching movies.. and soon we are going to start bowling every week! HOW SWEET IS THAT? Getting paid to go bowling and to movies? Like I said, I love it! My clients are awesome, and I am totally enjoying getting to know them! Looks like I finally found a job I can stick to for a while!

         Well, the count down is on! 7 weeks until I have a new niece or nephew! SO excited! I mean, the munchkin is FABULOUS! I heart her to pieces! But to hold a newborn again! *sigh* I'm so  so looking forward to some prime snuggle time with the wee one! So far, the tally is split between boy and girl, with me leaning hopefully towards boy... but thinking girl is more likely at this point! Only time shall tell :)

        Well that be it for now! More later.. or next month? haha

Been a while...

Thought I'd at least write something. Montana was super fun! It was nice to have a girls trip. I got a Wii fit! WOOHOO! So much fun! And some cute clothing. Yay for Ross Dress for Less! So, now that summer is officially over, and I am back home, it is time for real life to actually start. That means job hunting. That means an actually job. That means a completely new diet (not a loose weight diet, a crazy-let's-see-if-this-helps-us-get-pregnant diet!), dairy free, almost sugar free, caffeine free, refine carbs free... Sound fun? And wonderful Wii Yoga! haha So I thought I would just write something, prove that I am alive. Ohh, and officially NOT pregnant! That's right.. I POAS just for fun, and no dice! So, we continue to wait, and see what God has in store for as. As my mum pointed out, September is a time of beginnings, of new stuff. So, I'm going to start something new and see how it goes. Worst case scenario, I get healthier! Oh dear, what a terrible side effect.

Wow!

So, after my crazy vent this morning, I decided to head to my parents place because my absolutely adorable 23 month old niece was there. Oh she is so fun! No matter how stressed or hectic life is, she is a little ball of sunshine! So we were playing, and watching grandpa and daddy (as my dad and brother are now called by pretty much everyone) build a deck, until it was nap-time. So off she went to sleep. While it was all quiet in the house, mumsie and I discussed the up coming trip. So, we planned packing lists and boring stuff like that, when mum drops a bombshell on me. My daddy has decided to give all three of us 'girls' $1000 spending money!!! Holy CRAP! 

And as if that wasn't enough crazy, I listed 3 items on kijiji today, and the most expensive one has sold! So that is another 250 bucks! Maybe my ikea furniture will sell too!

So funny how whenever I think I'm doomed, and things will never get better, something miraculous happens! God is good! I just need to make the choice to rejoice, and trust that He knows what is best! 

Totally Venting!

Warning: This blog post is full of venting and sarcasm! Feel totally free to skip it!

Why is it that whenever you have something to do in life, a change to make, for example, completely changing your diet, there is always SOMETHING to get in the way! ARG! I am now ready to implement the diet changes recommended in 'The Infertility Cure', but can't! We are completely broke, and can't afford a special diet. Heck, we can hardly afford KD at this point. Which means until I find a job, I can't try the special diet, can't try the chinese herbs, and can't continue my acupuncture. To top it off, my mum and sister decided Sunday would be a good day to head to Great Falls, Montana for a girls memory making trip! So the little bit of money I had saved up for Wii Fit, and the money I was able to finally get for the tickets I bought friends, is all going towards a trip to Montana, and I may have about $15 for spending! WOOT! (that was a very sarcastic woot) Plus, I'm pretty sure stress is bad for fertility too. (also sarcasm.. I'm positive stress is bad for fertility) But could I possibly get anymore stressed out right now? Why is it whenever you  really really need to do something, it is so hard to do it? There is always something popping up, getting in the way! NARF! If only there was some way to make really quick cash without it being morally degrading! *sigh* Well, time to go do laundry, make up a new resume, do dishes, vacuum, and basically clean clean clean! Oh happy day!