A year in review

One year ago today I was in Calgary, at the Regional Fertility Clinic having an IUI done. DW had gone in early that morning by himself to do his part, and I went down a few hours later to do my part. I was emotionally spent and ready for a break. This was our last try until the new year. My body needed a break from the drugs, I needed a break from the whole process - internal ultrasounds, drugs, cramps, timed intercourse, trips to Calgary every other day for almost 2 weeks each month - I was tired and overwhelmed. My sister and parents were planning a liver cleanse and once I got my BFN I was going to join them. It was something to look forward to, to help take my mind off of what I was sure was NOT happening in my womb.

It's hard to believe how much can change in 365 days! Things felt different within a few days but I didn't want to hope and have my heart crushed! I tested 13 agonizing days later and BFP!!! I was a mum :) I prayed all the time, giving my babe back into God's hands! I was so excited and so terrified but trusting that the giver of life was watching over us! Every week was a huge milestone, especially once we passed week 30!

Fast forward to today: I woke up to my beautiful 16 week old baby girl, who was wiggling, grunting and about to wake up for her breakfast! I am so blessed and more in love than I knew was possible!

2 tries later..

I decided it was time for an update. Plus I'm at my mum's making cupcakes and have nothing to kill the time while they cook...other than dishes... so the obvious choice? Blog!

So in July/August, we attempted our first IUI. I took 100mg of Serophene CD3-7 (July24-28) then came the numerous ultrasounds in Cowtown.
Ultrasound #1 - August 2 - 2 follicles, 8mm & 9 mm.
Ultrasound #2 - August 5 - 2 follicles, 14 mm & 11mm
Ultrasound #3 - August 7 - 0 follicles found, all just small 'unripe' ones. So I was sent to do blood work, LH level 16. They are saying I didn't ovulate yet so...
Ultrasound #4 - August 10 - 0 follicles still, sent for more blood work, which came back on the 11th, I ovulated! So now we wait and see what happens!

Nothing! Just the arrival of stupid AF... so now we start all over again! Hopefully they don't miss my ovulation this time!

August 23-27 I took my 100mg of Serophene yet again for CD3-7.
Ultrasound #1 - September 3 - 1 follicle, 11mm
Ultrasound #2 - September 5 - 1 follicle, 17mm
Ultrasound #3 - September 7 - 1 follicle, 23 mm (by 15 mm)
YAY follie is big enough for the injection! (10,000 iu of hCG)

So, the nurse (Jennifer I think! I have met SO many there) took us into a little room to instruct me how to give myself the injections.. that is correct, I had to inject myself! Seemed easy enough, half in one needle, half in the other, injected in different spots on my stomach or thighs. I know I could have got DW to do it, but I'm kind of a control freak, so at 11pm on September 7th, I stuck myself in the belly twice!

Next up was the IUI itself. DW had to make his 'deposit' at 7:30 am at the lab. Then we went back to my aunt's to kill the time between. My aunt and I made some apple sauce to keep my mind of the drama that was fast approaching. My appointment was at 10:30am. So off we went! The actual process is mad simple! Undress from the waist down, cover up with a sheet, put your feet in the stir ups, and wait. The worst part is the dry insertion of the speculum. They can't lubricate because if they bump the lube with the catheter it can't be used, thus wasting the sperm. So in it goes, and that is it! about ten minutes total, and you are free to go! Some women experience cramping but I didn't. Just general soreness. The nurse told me to test on September 25th if AF hadn't arrived.

So September 20th, I was SO fed up with waiting. I just wanted to know NOW. haha AF was expected the following day, so it wasn't like I was testing super early or anything. BFN! And AF did arrive on the 21st.

So today, I am already on day 3 of Serophene. My first two ultrasounds are booked for October 4th and 6th. I honestly am not looking forward to doing this again. I'm tired of the BFNs, I'm tired of drugs, I'm REALLY tired of internal ultrasounds. (TMI alert! My left ovary 'hides' behind my bowel or something, and they have to put a LOT of pressure on me with the internal wand to find it.. it is horrendous!)

So far this cycle, I've found out 2 of my friends are newly preggers. Due in May, which is when I would be due if the first IUI had been successful. I have a friend due any day now (technically on the 8th but...), one at Christmas time, and 2 in January. This would be the 3rd cycle of babies I have 'missed'... I'm emotionally exhausted. I don't know what will happen after this next try. If it doesn't work.. I'm out of drugs, and have no coverage for more. I am so thankful for all my prayer warriors! I know God has a plan for me! I KNOW this, but I'm just so deep in the chaos that I feel like it will never actually end.

Time to go finish making my peppermint icing, and ice those bad boys! Is there anything tastier than dark chocolate cupcakes with a hint of mint, and delicious mint butter cream icing? Me thinks not!