The Infertility Cure

     So I decided to buy a new book. And even choose one I had never been told about. Just saw it on amazon, and said to myself, 'self, this looks intriguing!' So, I ordered it via chapters, and awaited its arrival into my otherwise 'Bills Only' mailbox. How exciting to get something that isn't depressing in the mail! The book is 'The Infertility Cure' by Randine Lewis Ph.D.

      So, after reading the introduction, I was HOOKED! I probably  interrupted my poor husband's movie a dozen times in about 5 pages! I'm only a few chapters in now, but I have had so many 'Whoa! That is so ME' moments. One that I really needed to hear was on page 9! 

"You are NOT broken! 

You are NOT deficient! 

No matter what the outcome...

 You are WHOLE!"

     Another line that totally hit home, was at the end of a story about a couple who went through so much trying to get pregnant, only to end up in crazy debt, depressed, and still without a child. (From page 12,) "Every time someone asks them why they don't have children, she slowly dies inside." Oh, how many times I have felt that way. As if my heart is so broken it will stop working completely. But staying hopeful is so painful. Most days I just want to stop all together. To give up the dream completely. But then something happens, my mysterious Aunt Flow shows up, completely shocking me! And once again, the crazy train pulls in. The hoping, (and dreading at the same time) the negative pregnancy tests, the tears, the pain, and another few months without my aunt. Not even a hint that she MIGHT arrive. 

     So, although I'm not done the book, and I still have HEAPS to learn about TCM (traditional Chinese Medicine), I decided to start trying something new. I went to my first (of many) acupuncture appointment this morning. After have a couple dozen needles stuck into me, and having them twisted and such, I am once again, jumping on the crazy train, getting hopeful. Thinking, if this works.... And yet it may not. God may have totally different plans for my life. And that is what I find toughest on this journey. Trying to come to and stay in a peaceful place, where I surrender my will, and desire God's will for my life. *arg* it is seriously a moment to moment struggle for me.

     Well, time to try and get myself motivated to clean my house. I'd way rather spend the remainder of the day curled up, watching season one of One Tree Hill..... Oh wistful dreams!